Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Celebrating Nordic Family Values: The Woolen Penis Movie

It's been a while since we celebrated my Nordic heritage here on Myrtle Street Review. It's time to watch some Swedish art, I feel, since I am practically part Swedish, being a descendant of Vikings who settled in Western Finland. Wait, does that make me part Norwegian? Never mind. Almost any reason would be reason enough to pay homage to the Flying Woolen Penises of Sweden. The rest of the baffling, fabulous output of Amauta Labs can be found here.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Top Five Reasons Why West Oakland's image is More Dangerous than the Reality

5. Teenagers who are actually not gang members get to act like big, dangerous thugs for being from there. Or even from near there. Or even from El Cerrito.

4. There are several Whitey Castles, ie. loft compounds with locking gates whose inhabitants never leave the confines of their castles on foot, believe their San Francisco friends about the terrifying things that happen "out in the ghetto" (direct quote from inside castle walls), and then repeat it as if it's the whole truth and nothing but the truth. And thank God for those gates. Except OH MY GOD THE GHETTO PEOPLE CAN CLIMB OVER THE WALLS! As we speak, the building of a moat and the installation of vats for boiling oil is being discussed on at least one Whitey Castle email list.

3. It's vital to the self-identity of the Burner Art Geek Man-Boys that they live in an Extremely Dangerous Urban Mad Max Wasteland, and the Self-Identity Protection Shield they have built from steampunk recycled metal parts prevents them from seeing the working class and middle class families and schools and churches.

2. It's vital to the self-identity of the Other Burner Art Geek Man-Boys who don't live in Oakland that their monthly trip to the Crucible is a Big, Dangerous Deal.

1. It's vital to the petit bourgeois sensibility of people who spend 75% of their income on crappy real estate in San Francisco that all of Oakland, but especially West Oakland where their much cooler Burner Art Geek Man-Boy software company colleagues live for about 25% of the cost, is a dangerous, ugly, scary hellhole where only idiots and criminals can possibly live. It's NOT cool! No way! It can't be cool because they are paying SO MUCH MORE to live in The Mission.

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